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You thought it was love. The attention. The charm. The “perfect partner.” But love doesn’t control your life. Love doesn’t make you feel trapped. Love doesn’t make you afraid of your own home. Coercive control. Economic abuse. Emotional manipulation. These are real. And if you have children, the trap tightens. Your home becomes a prison. Your finances, your decisions, even your happiness, controlled by someone who says they love you. Pregnancy? Supposed to be joy. Instead: bo

I’m an autistic parent. That means that I notice patterns. I analyse systems. And when something doesn’t make sense, it nags at me until I understand why. Right now, one system keeps standing out for all the wrong reasons: the Child Maintenance Service (CMS). It was designed with a simple purpose: to ensure that children are financially supported after parents separate. Simple in theory. Fair in principle. But the reality looks very different. When the System Gets It Wrong,

Child maintenance exists to support children. It should not punish the parents who provide for them. But the system is failing both. Responsible, working parents are forced to pay high sums while covering mortgages, rent, bills, and extra child costs. Children are supposed to benefit from Child Mainteance, however when parents are financially crushed, everyone loses. What the Numbers Actually Look Like CMS calculates maintenance as a percentage of gross weekly income:- Numbe

Child Maintenance exists to protect children. But when a system designed to safeguard children pushes a responsible, working parent into financial collapse, something has gone wrong. This is not about avoiding responsibility. This is about fairness, sustainability, and mental survival. The Financial Reality According to the Department for Work and Pensions, more than 1 million children rely on payments arranged through the Child Maintenance Service (CMS). Maintenance is calcu

The problem Children are going without heating. Children are moving between temporary housing. Children are watching one parent struggle to survive. Meanwhile, the other parent declares a low income, while controlling assets, company profits, or retained earnings. This is not rare. This is structural. The Reality Nearly 1 in 4 children in the UK live in poverty (Source: Child Poverty Action Group). Over 1 million children rely on the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) for financ

Family courts are supposed to protect children. But sometimes, the very people claiming to be “caring” parents are the ones causing harm. “You can have your home back when I’m dead.” This is not care. This is control. This is abuse. Homelessness Is Not a Parenting Choice A caring parent does not make their children homeless. A caring parent does not hoard assets while refusing to meet basic needs. A caring parent does not use money as punishment. Yet abusers do all of

Standfirst Some parents are deliberately exploiting child maintenance loopholes to keep their children in poverty. This is not a private dispute. It is economic abuse,  and taxpayers are paying the price. Child maintenance was designed to protect children from poverty after separation. Yet in practice, it is increasingly being manipulated to achieve the opposite. A minority of parents,  particularly sole shareholders, majority shareholders, company directors, and some self-em

Family courts are failing autistic parents. And in doing so, they are failing children. “Honest, rule-following autistic parents are put on trial, while abusive parents hide behind false ‘mental health’ claims.” This is not safeguarding. This is discrimination. And it is dangerous. Autism Is Not a Mental Illness Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition. It is not instability. It is not a personality defect. It is not a parenting risk. Autistic parents are:- Hones

Financial Abuse, Control & the Hidden Incentives in the System Child Maintenance is supposed to protect children. That’s the headline. That’s the promise. But for thousands of parents , particularly those dealing with self-employed ex-partners, controlling dynamics, or post-separation coercion, the reality feels very different. Instead of protecting children, the system is too often used by a controlling parent to control, punish, manipulate, and alienate. And nobody wants to

Why Family Law Must Catch Up Family law increasingly recognises that abuse does not end at separation. Yet one of the most pervasive forms of post-separation abuse remains largely unexamined within practice and policy: the use of child maintenance as a tool of coercive control. This is not an administrative inconvenience. It is a safeguarding issue. The Legal Framework Already Exists,  But It Isn’t Applied Under section 1(3) of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, domestic abuse incl

Family law talks endlessly about parental alienation. But it has failed to name an equally damaging reality; Financial Alienation Financial aiienation occurs when a parent uses child maintenance and money to punish an ex-partner for leaving, moving on, or forming a new family. It is not about supporting children. It is about retaining power after separation. “You Left, So I’ll Make You Pay” Financial alienation is driven by entitlement. Parents who engage in it cannot acce

Every year, tens of thousands of families walk into family courtrooms hoping for protection, justice, or simply to be heard. Around...

When a mother or father  raises allegations of domestic abuse — whether physical, emotional, coercive, or financial — or when a child...

Imagine this: A parent — often the mother — comes through a messy divorce, secures a financial settlement, and is now raising the...

When Corporate Tax Tricks Become Tools of Domestic Abuse Imagine this. A parent — is the sole director and shareholder of a limited...

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re planning your exit. Or maybe you’ve finally done it — after years of being gaslit, second-guessed,...

When abusers claim they are the victim, it’s not confusion — it’s calculated. Flipping the script is a psychological weapon that is used...

Let’s talk about the tongue of the abuser. It’s smooth. Persuasive. Weaponised with just the right legal buzzwords — especially...

Financial abuse is a recognised form of domestic abuse.   It  doesn’t stop when the relationship ends — it often escalates. In this blog...

Many survivors of coercive control report that during and after separation, the abusive parent weaponises money — deliberately failing to...