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Domestic Abuse: It’s About Power, Not Gender

  • Deanna Newell
  • Mar 29
  • 2 min read

“When someone says that they’re afraid of their ex, it isn’t drama. It’s a warning. Listen. Believe. Act.”

Domestic abuse is not just bruises or shouting, it is power, control, and manipulation.


It happens behind closed doors, through finances, threats, technology, and psychological coercion. Both men and women can be victims, but women are disproportionately affected by severe and repeated abuse.


Key UK Statistics (ONS, 2024)

Statistic

Women

Men

Notes

Adults experiencing domestic abuse

1.6M

712K

Out of 2.3M adults

Lifetime risk

1 in 4

1 in 6–7

Women at higher risk

Recorded incidents

1,350,428

—

Police-recorded crimes

Coercive control offences

45,000+

—

Often underreported

Involvement of stalking/harassment

24%

—

Includes all victims


This is not rare. It is real, pervasive, and life-altering.

Abuse Doesn’t Need to Leave Bruises


Coercive Control:-


  • Monitoring movements

  • Isolation from friends/family

  • Threats, intimidation, humiliation

  • Using children as leverage

  • Physical confinement or imprisonment

  • Strangulation or threats of serious harm


Financial & Economic Abuse:-


  • Restricting access to money

  • Sabotaging employment

  • Forcing dependence

  • Threatening homelessness or debt


Emotional & Psychological Abuse


  • Gaslighting

  • Constant criticism or fear

  • Threats to harm children, pets, or self


These behaviours are recognised under UK law, even without visible injury.

The Law Recognises It


Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, abuse includes:-


  • Physical & sexual violence

  • Coercive & controlling behaviour

  • Emotional & psychological abuse

  • Financial abuse

  • Stalking, harassment, isolation


Children who witness abuse are victims too. Abuse often continues after the relationship ends.

The Most Dangerous Time: Leaving


Leaving an abusive relationship is high-risk:-


  • Violence may escalate

  • Threats increase around finances or child contact

  • Control adapts, rather than stops

Victims don’t “just leave.” Leaving can cost everything, even their lives.

The Impact on Children


Children absorb what they see:-


  • Shapes understanding of love & conflict

  • Increases emotional/behavioral risks

  • Can perpetuate abuse cycles


What Needs to Change


Believe survivors — women & men


Recognize non-physical abuse as real abuse


Document patterns, not just incidents


Take post-separation risk seriously


Support financial independence


Challenge minimisation & victim-blaming


Support Services in the UK


  • Victim Support – 0808 1689 111

  • Women’s Aid – 0808 2000 247

  • National Centre for Domestic Violence – 0844 804 4999

  • Male survivors services:

    • Mankind Initiative – 01823 334244

    • Men’s Advice Line – 0808 801 0327


Final Truth


Abuse is not love. Abuse is not conflict. Abuse is control.


You don’t need bruises to prove fear. You don’t need violence to prove harm.

Domestic abuse isn’t about gender, it’s about power.

Both men and women can perpetrate abuse and both can suffer. When someone says they’re afraid, take it seriously. Listen. Believe. Act.


Disclaimer: This post is informational. It does not accuse any individual of wrongdoing. If you are experiencing abuse, contact support services immediately.

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better

 
 
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