An Open Letter to Parents: Stop Using Children as Weapons
- Deanna Newell
- Mar 25
- 2 min read
When you use the courts for revenge or money, it’s not your ex-partner who pays the price, it’s your children.
Domestic abuse survivors, both parents and children, already carry trauma.
In too many cases, the term “parental alienation” is misused by abusers, and the family courts unintentionally allow these tactics to continue.
This makes it harder for survivors to protect their children.
The Real Cost of Misusing the Courts
Some parents use parental alienation to:-
Punish an ex
Gain financial advantage
Maintain control
Even after fair divorce settlements and paid child maintenance, children may continue to be manipulated, silenced, or used as leverage.
The real victims? Children and domestic abuse survivors, who bear the consequences of actions that are never in the child’s best interests.
Stop Turning Pain into Harm
Parents, this needs to be said:-
Stop turning anger, resentment, or grief into lifelong damage
Stop using your children as bargaining chips
Stop treating them as tools for control or revenge
This isn’t about justice, it’s about control.
How Children Are Affected
When children are used to punish, manipulate, or prolong legal battles, it mirrors forms of abuse recognised under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, including:-
Coercion
Control
Economic abuse
The cost to children is serious:-
They learn conflict, manipulation, and entitlement
Their mental health suffers
Their future relationships and parenting skills are affected for life
A Survivor’s Reality
Imagine leaving with nothing , no home, barely enough to survive, no support, no security. This is the reality for many survivors of domestic abuse.
Misusing the court system compounds their trauma.
Children Are Not
Pay cheques
Weapons
Bargaining chips
They deserve stability, love, and safety.
Ask yourself honestly:
Am I acting in my child’s best interests?
Or am I acting from anger, control, or revenge?
If it’s the latter, you are not protecting your child — you are harming them.
The Cycle of Harm
Parental alienation motivated by financial greed, revenge, or entitlement:-
Teaches children to disrespect the other parent and authority
Prioritizes money over empathy
Encourages self-centered behaviours
The mental health consequences are serious, and the harm can continue into the next generation.
The Hard Truth
When you use the courts for revenge or money:-
Your children pay the price
Domestic abuse survivors continue to suffer
Children learn control, entitlement, and disrespect
Children are not weapons, pay cheques, or bargaining chips.
Act in your children’s best interests. Stop the control. Stop the harm. Stop using them.
Deanna Newell Family Law
Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better
