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CHILD MAINTENANCE IN CRISIS: WHEN THE SYSTEM FAILS FAMILIES

  • Deanna Newell
  • 13 hours ago
  • 4 min read

Part 1: When Paying Parents Are Pushed to Breaking Point


There is a growing number of parents, many of them fathers,  who are not refusing to support their children.


They are drowning trying to.


After separation, some have:-

  • Given up the family home

  • Agreed to significant financial settlements

  • Handed over pensions, savings, stability


And then they start again.


From scratch.


But when the Child Maintenance Service calculates payments, none of that is considered.


No context.

No history.

No recognition of what has already been given.


Just income.


The “Net Income” Reality


Maintenance is calculated based on earnings, not real life.


The calculation takes no account of:-

• Rent or mortgages

• Energy bills

• Food

• Travel

• Debt from starting over


So what happens?


Some parents are left with almost nothing after paying:-

• Maintenance

• Fees

• Basic survival costs


And yet they are still expected to:-


Provide a safe, suitable home for their children

Maintain meaningful contact

Stay mentally strong under pressure


When Doing the Right Thing Backfires


There is a painful irony in the system. Those who:-


  • Declare full income

  • Pay on time

  • Try to do everything “right”


They often feel penalised whilst others reduce what they pay by:-


  • Under-declaring income

  • Manipulating business income

  • Exploiting loopholes


This is not fairness.

This is a system where honesty can cost you more than dishonesty.


The Hidden Crisis: Mental Health


Behind closed doors, this pressure is building.


Parents are:-


  • Working excessive hours

  • Living in poor conditions

  • Struggling to maintain relationships with their children


And in some cases parents are experiencing severe depression and suicidal thoughts.


This is not a fringe issue.

It is a systemic failure with human consequences.


Part 2: Why Child Maintenance Still Matters


Now let’s be equally honest because there is another reality.


For many receiving parents, child maintenance is not extra income.


It is survival.


The Financial Reality for Primary Carers


Around 90% of single-parent households are led by mothers,  and they face a significantly higher risk of poverty.


For many:-


  • One income supports the entire household

  • Childcare limits working hours

  • Costs continue to rise


And without maintenance?


The impact is immediate.


When Maintenance Isn’t Paid

Many receiving parents do not receive full payments.

Arrears remain widespread.


And so, while some paying parents feel overwhelmed:

 Some receiving parents are struggling to provide the basics.


Part 3: The Missing Piece, Financial & Economic Abuse


Here’s what the system still fails to properly recognise;

Not all financial situations are equal, because not all relationships were equal.

Financial and economic abuse is now legally recognised as a form of domestic abuse.


This includes:-


  • Controlling access to money

  • Restricting a partner’s ability to work

  • Forcing financial dependence

  • Hiding or manipulating assets

  • Creating long-term economic instability


How This Impacts Child Maintenance


This is where things become dangerously complex because:-


  • Some receiving parents have been financially controlled for years

  • Some left relationships with no access to money or resources

  • Some settlements reflect compensation for lost independence


At the same time:-


  • Some paying parents feel they have already “paid enough”

  • But the long-term impact of abuse isn’t visible in a formula


And It Works Both Ways


Let’s be clear,  financial abuse is not one-sided.

There are also cases where:-


  • Maintenance is used as a tool of control post-separation

  • Payments are manipulated to create pressure or dependency

  • Legal processes are used to continue coercion


So the issue is not just money.

It is power.


Part 4: A System That Isn’t Built for Real Life


Right now, everything is separated:-


  • Divorce settlements → courts

  • Child maintenance → CMS

  • Income verification → tax systems


But families don’t live in separate systems.

They live in one reality.


And when those systems don’t communicate:

People fall through the cracks.


The Truth That No One Wants to Say


Both of these are true:-


Some parents are being pushed into financial hardship

Some parents cannot survive without maintenance


Some have been generous in settlements

Some have been left with nothing


Some exploit the system

Some are trapped by it


What Needs to Change


We don’t need sides.

We need solutions.


A fair system must:-


  • Consider both parents’ financial realities

  • Acknowledge divorce settlements where relevant

  • Factor in real cost of living

  • Properly recognise financial and economic abuse

  • Close loopholes for income manipulation

  • Ensure agencies work together, not in isolation


The Bottom Line


This is not about mothers vs fathers.


It’s about this:-


  • A child deserves two stable parents — not one surviving and one struggling

  • A parent should not be pushed into poverty to prove they care

  • Abuse — in any form — should never be ignored in financial decisions


Final Message: Reform Is Overdue


Until the system reflects real life:-


  • Conflict will continue

  • Inequality will grow

  • Children will feel the impact


Every Story Matters


If you are:-


  • A parent struggling to pay

  • A parent struggling to receive

  • A survivor of financial abuse

  • Or someone caught somewhere in between


Your experience matters.


Because real reform only happens when the full story is told,  not just one side of it.


Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better

 
 
 

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