WHAT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT ENOUGH: THE REALITY OF CHILD MAINTENANCE

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Child maintenance exists for one reason:-

Child Maintenance exists to ensure that children receive financial support when parents separate.

That principle is difficult to argue with.

Children deserve food, clothing, housing, education, opportunities, stability, and security regardless of whether their parents remain together.

But there is a difficult conversation that society, politicians, campaigners, and policymakers often avoid.

The child maintenance debate has become increasingly polarised.

Too often, it is framed as mothers versus fathers.

Paying parents versus receiving parents.

Men versus women.

The reality is far more complex.

And until we acknowledge that complexity, meaningful reform will remain out of reach.

The System Was Designed For A Different Era

The child maintenance system was largely built around traditional PAYE employment.

A parent worked for an employer.

Income was relatively straightforward to identify.

Calculations were easier to assess.

Family life and employment have however changed dramatically.

Today we have:-

• Self-employed workers

• Limited company directors

• Sole shareholders

• Contractors

• Dividend income

• Retained company profits

• Complex business structures

• Multiple income streams

These are legitimate business arrangements and play an important role in the economy.

However, they also create opportunities for financial resources to be structured in ways that may not be fully reflected within child maintenance assessments.

Like any system, loopholes will always exist. And unfortunately, some people will exploit them.

The Reality For Many Receiving Parents

For many receiving parents, particularly those who have experienced domestic abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, or economic abuse, separation does not end the abuse, it simply changes the form of the abuse.

Some leave relationships with:-

• No savings

• No financial independence

• No housing security

• No assets

• Significant debt

• Reduced earning capacity

• Years out of the workforce caring for children

Many are left trying to rebuild their lives while also meeting the daily needs of their children.

Some rely on benefits.

Some use food banks.

Some work multiple jobs.

Some face impossible choices; between heating, food, transport, school uniforms, and rent.

For these families, child maintenance is not a luxury.

It is often the difference between coping and crisis.

When maintenance is unpaid, underpaid, delayed, or deliberately avoided, it is children who ultimately pay the price.

Financial Abuse Does Not Always End At Separation

Many survivors describe a familiar pattern.

During the relationship there may have been:-

• Separate finances

• Restricted access to money

• Monitoring of spending

• Prevention from working

• Pressure to reduce working hours

• Control over household finances

• Economic dependency

After separation, some report similar patterns continuing through legal processes, child arrangements, and financial disputes.

Some struggle to challenge maintenance decisions because they simply cannot afford professional advice or lengthy legal proceedings.

Others face situations where they believe income is being deliberately reduced, diverted, or hidden.

For survivors already exhausted by years of control, the barriers can feel overwhelming.

Honest Paying Parents Are Being Ignored Too

There is another side to this debate that receives far less attention.

Many paying parents meet their responsibilities every single month.

They work hard.

They support their children.

They pay maintenance.

They contribute towards clothing, school costs, activities, holidays, transport, and everyday expenses.

Some have already made enormous sacrifices during divorce or separation.

They may have:-

• Transferred the family home

• Provided mortgage-free accommodation

• Shared pensions

• Transferred savings and investments

• Paid lump sum settlements

• Contributed towards school fees

• Accepted unequal financial settlements to provide stability for their children

And yet none of these contributions are usually reflected in child maintenance calculations.

For many, this creates a perception that the wider financial reality of separation has been ignored.

Whether people agree with that view or not, it is a concern that deserves discussion rather than dismissal.

The Conversation That Nobody Wants To Have

There are difficult truths on all sides.

Some paying parents exploit loopholes.

Some receiving parents experience genuine hardship.

Some parents use money as a weapon.

Some parents use children as a weapon.

Some parents continue coercive control long after separation.

Some paying parents deliberately minimise income.

Some receiving parents seek maximum financial gain regardless of actual need.

Some parents attempt to restrict contact because child maintenance may be affected by overnight care arrangements.

These conversations take place every day across support groups, forums, family courts, social media, and professional practice.

Ignoring these realities does not make them disappear.

The Impact On Children

When parents engage in conflict over money, children often become the silent victims.

Children do not understand tax structures.

Children do not understand dividend payments.

Children do not understand court orders.

Children simply experience the consequences.

Less opportunity.

Less stability.

Less security.

More conflict.

More stress.

More tension.

The adults may be fighting about maintenance.

The children are living with the outcome.

We Need Reform

A modern child maintenance system must reflect modern family life.

It should assess financial reality, and not simply declared income.

That means looking beyond PAYE earnings and considering:-

• Assets

• Company structures

• Dividends

• Retained profits

• Rental income

• Trust arrangements

• Investments

• Savings

• Earning capacity

• Housing provision

• Pension sharing

• Financial settlements

• The overall financial position of both households

Potential reforms could include:-

1. Greater information sharing between CMS, HMRC and Companies House.

2. Stronger investigations where there is credible evidence of hidden or diverted income.

3. Improved consideration of assets and retained company profits where appropriate.

4. Faster review and appeal processes.

5. Specialist support for domestic abuse survivors.

6. Stronger enforcement where maintenance is deliberately avoided.

7. Greater transparency in assessments.

8. Regular reviews to ensure legislation reflects modern employment patterns.

9. Consideration of significant financial provision already made through family court settlements.

The objective should not be to favour one parent over another.

The objective should be fairness.

Shared Responsibility

Government has a role.

The Department for Work and Pensions has a role.

CMS has a role.

HMRC has a role.

Companies House has a role.

Family courts have a role.

Domestic abuse organisations have a role.

Family law professionals have a role.

Parents have a role.

We should be capable of acknowledging multiple truths at the same time.

Some parents are genuinely struggling.

Some children are being let down.

Some loopholes exist.

Some financial settlements are overlooked.

Some abuse continues after separation.

And some honest parents feel the current system does not recognise the full picture.

My Message To Parents

Whether you are a paying parent or a receiving parent, remember this:-

Your children are watching.

They may not understand everything today.

But they will eventually understand far more than many adults realise.

Children remember who showed up.

Children remember who supported them.

Children remember who put their needs first.

No matter how difficult the relationship with your former partner may be, your child should never suffer because of adult conflict.

Pay what you can.

Support your children.

Do the right thing even when nobody is watching.

Because two wrongs never make a right.

Conclusion

Children do not care who won after separation.

They do not care about legal arguments.

They do not care about tax planning.

They do not care about parental point-scoring.

They care about feeling safe.

They care about stability.

They care about opportunity.

They care about knowing that both parents put their welfare above everything else.

The child maintenance system should reflect the realities of modern family life, close loopholes where they exist, protect vulnerable families, recognise substantial financial provision already made, and ensure children remain at the centre of every decision.

Because this should never be about mothers versus fathers.

Or paying parents versus receiving parents.

It should be about children.

Always.

Deanna Newell

Founder, DN Family Law

#ChildMaintenanceReform, #ChildrenFirst, #FamilyLaw, #FinancialAbuse, #EconomicAbuse, #DomesticAbuse, #SharedParenting, #FamilyJustice, #DNFamilyLaw

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better