What Is a Narcissist? The Five Mistakes You Must Avoid

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These people lack empathy. They avoid accountability.  To them, it’s all about power.

They strut around like gods — but don’t be fooled. They are Jekyll and Hyde

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One moment, they are charming. The next? The mask slips. You see the cruelty. The control.

The beast unleashed.

You are left spinning, breathless.

Confused.

And you start doing what all survivors do:-

• You shrink.

• You tread carefully.

• You plan your words.

• You submit.

Because anything else isn’t safe.

Narcissism, Explained

A narcissist isn’t just someone self-centred or vain. This is deeper. More dangerous.

Narcissists display:-

• A grandiose sense of self-importance

• A constant need for admiration

• Zero empathy for others

They genuinely believe they are superior. And they expect the world to treat them accordingly.

They will boast, manipulate, and exploit — all while wearing a mask of charm.

Behind closed doors, it’s a different story.

They rewrite reality, flip blame, and erase your feelings.

The result? You are exhausted. You’re doubting yourself. You’re emotionally wrecked.

And worst of all — you think that it’s all your fault.

 Let’s Talk Financial Abuse

They’re not just about emotional control — they’re about wealth, revenge, and financial domination.

They will leave you penniless — not because they need to, but because they want to.

They use money as a weapon. They drain joint accounts. Hide assets. Refuse child maintenance. Rack up debts in your name.

And when you finally break free? They punish you with poverty.

This isn’t a byproduct of the breakup.

This is intentional financial coercion — and far too often, the courts turn a blind eye.

Five Mistakes You Must Not Make With a Narcissistic Ex

1. Engaging in Arguments

Don’t take the bait.

Narcissists feed on conflict. They twist your words. They escalate. They gaslight.

And they win when you lose control.

Over 70% of survivors say arguments left them feeling emotionally drained and unheard.

What to do instead:-

• Stay calm

• Be brief

• Walk away

• No reaction = no fuel.

2. Seeking Validation

You’ll never get closure from someone who lacks empathy.

You’ll bleed out trying to make them understand your pain.

73% of people in narcissistic relationships said they felt completely unsupported post-breakup.

What to do instead:

• Turn to those who can hold space for you — friends, family, a trauma-informed therapist.

• Let them remind you: You are not the problem.

3. Giving in to Guilt

They will weaponise guilt like an art form.

Suddenly, you’re the villain. You’re the one hurting them. You’re the selfish one.

66% of survivors report guilt-tripping as a key control tactic.

What to do instead:

• Know this: you are not responsible for their emotions.

• Boundaries are not cruelty — they’re survival.

• Stand firm.

4. Oversharing Personal Information

Don’t give them ammunition.

What you share now will be twisted and used later — in court, in conversations, in custody battles.

69% of survivors say their private information was used to manipulate or discredit them.

What to do instead:

• Keep it surface

• Keep it strategic

• Your privacy is protection

5. Allowing Emotional Manipulation

They gaslight. They cry. They rage.

They rewrite the past and make you question your sanity.

70% of survivors said they felt disoriented, confused, and emotionally unstable due to manipulation tactics.

What to do instead:

• Get grounded.

• Journal your reality.

• Talk to people you trust.

• Name the behaviour and refuse to absorb the lies.

Moving Forward

Dealing with a narcissistic ex isn’t just hard — it’s traumatic.

But knowledge is power.

Avoiding these five critical mistakes protects your peace and reclaims your voice:

• Don’t argue

• Don’t seek validation from them

• Don’t let guilt control you

• Don’t overshare

• Don’t let them manipulate your mind

And above all?

Recognise financial abuse for what it is: a calculated form of control. You deserve financial safety, not punishment.

You are not crazy. You are not alone.

You are rising.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better