Economic Abuse and Parental Alienation: The Hidden War That No One Talks About

Deanna Newell
Jul 6
4 min read

“It’s not love. It’s not protection. It’s control.”

Economic abuse is one of the least understood — but most devastating — forms of domestic abuse.

Economic abuse often flies under the radar because it’s not as visible as a bruise, and yet the damage it causes can be far longer-lasting, particularly when children are involved.

If you’re asking yourself, “What is economic abuse?” — you are not alone. And if you are living it? You are not crazy. You are not overreacting. Again, you are not alone.

What Is Economic Abuse?

Economic abuse is a form of coercive control that strips you of your financial independence and traps you in dependency. It doesn’t start with violence. It starts with restriction. With pressure. With subtle manipulations that grow over time.

Economic abuse can look like:-

One partner controlling all financial decisions
Being blocked from working or studying
Having no access to joint bank accounts
Hidden debts or depleted savings
Child maintenance withheld or underpaid
Legal costs used as a weapon during separation

It’s not “bad budgeting.” It’s a deliberate pattern of control. And when you have children together? It gets even more complex — and even more dangerous.

When Economic Abuse Meets Parental Alienation

One of the most harmful intersections occurs when economic abuse is used alongside parental alienation. The abuser doesn’t just try to control your finances — they try to control your children, your image, your legal rights, your voice.

You might see:-

Refusal to pay child maintenance, knowing that you rely on it
Preventing you from accessing legal support
Using money to prolong court proceedings
Acting as the “better parent” in court by weaponising your financial hardship
Undermining your relationship with your children, while performing victimhood to professionals

This is post-separation abuse — a continuation of control, using the legal system, money, and children as tools.

Four Ways Economic Abuse Impacts Targeted Parents

1. Financial Dependency

When you’re cut off from resources or made dependent, you lose choices. Many survivors stay in unsafe situations simply because they can’t afford to leave.

According to Surviving Economic Abuse, over 75% of victims report not being able to challenge their abuser for fear of losing financial support for themselves or their children.

2. No Legal Representation

Court is expensive. Separation is expensive. Fighting for custody is expensive.

The average legal battle can cost anywhere from £3,000 to £25,000+. Many targeted parents have no access to these funds — and the abusers know it.

They’ll starve you of resources so you can’t fight back, then use your lack of legal representation to win. Meanwhile, they present themselves in court as calm, rational, financially responsible — the “better parent.” - whilst you are sufffering intense stress.

3. Emotional and Psychological Distress

Economic abuse doesn’t just harm your bank account. It harms your mental health. The stress of being financially trapped — while also battling for your children — is overwhelming.

Many targeted parents experience:-

Anxiety
Depression
PTSD
Feelings of helplessness or shame

4. It Hurts the Children Too

This isn’t just about the adult victim — it directly impacts the children.

Economic abuse destabilises the home. It limits access to safe housing, food security, extracurriculars, therapy, and more.

Children see the stress. They internalise the tension. And when the controlling parent undermines the healthy parent, it can damage trust and attachment in the long-term.

Red Flags: Are You Experiencing Economic Abuse?

You may be facing economic abuse if you recognise any of the following:-

Your ex controls or withholds money as a way to punish or manipulate
You are unable to afford legal help because of their refusal to contribute
They use money to delay or complicate court proceedings
They refuse to pay fair child maintenance — or hide income to reduce payments
They make you feel guilty for asking for financial help, even for essentials
They make you feel like you’re “failing” as a parent because you can’t provide

Legal Protections Do Exist

While the system is far from perfect, there are steps you can take.

Legal tools can include:-

Schedule 1 Children Act 1989: An application for financial provision for children
TOLATA claims: If you contributed to shared assets but weren’t recognised
Child Maintenance Enforcement; through CMS or the family court
Coercive Control laws (Serious Crime Act 2015): Where patterns of financial and emotional abuse can be evidenced
Restraining Orders: In cases where harassment or threats accompany financial abuse

What Needs to Change?

The family court system often fails to recognise the complex, manipulative nature of economic abuse — especially when paired with parental alienation.

Too often the family court focuses on “shared parenting” and “equal time,” without understanding the power imbalance beneath the surface.

We need:-

Mandatory court training on economic abuse and coercive control
A financial welfare checklist during custody and divorce proceedings
Free or low-cost legal support for survivors of post-separation abuse
Stronger child maintenance enforcement for high-conflict and abusive cases

If You’re a Survivor Reading This…

You’re not imagining it.

You’re not alone.

And you’re not the one who failed.

You are surviving a situation that was designed to make you feel powerless.

But there is support. There are people who understand. And you can rebuild, even when it feels impossible.

Resources and Support

Final Thoughts

The question we all need to ask is not “Why didn’t they leave?”—

It’s “Why did someone choose to trap them financially in the first place?”

Until we start calling economic abuse what it is — violence — and responding accordingly, too many survivors will continue to suffer in silence.

The system must change.

And for survivors reading this: your voice matters.

Your story matters.

And you are not alone anymore.

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better