When Finances Fuel Family Conflict; Hard truths about child support, alienation, & the real cost to children

Deanna Newell
Jun 25
2 min read

Child support is meant to help children thrive — not destroy families.

But for many non-custodial parents, it feels like punishment, not support.

Rigid formulas swallowing up to 50% of income
Threats of reduced contact if the paying parent objects
A legal system that fuels resentment, not resolution

And sometimes? That conflict is deliberately inflamed.

Pay more — or lose access to your child.

Two Faces of Financial Abuse After Divorce

Financial alienation isn’t always obvious. But it always hurts children.

Here’s how it plays out — on both ends of the spectrum:

The Withholding Abuser

The classic coercive controller.

"She or he left me — why should I pay anything?"

Traits:-

Hides income or assets
Claims poverty, lives comfortably
Refuses transparency
Pays the bare minimum — if at all

Impact:-

Children go without.
The caregiving parent is pushed to the brink.

This is financial neglect disguised as victimhood.

The Entitled Avenger

Looks generous on paper — but weaponises money and custody.

“The more time I have the kids, the more I get paid.”

“They don’t deserve to see them and pay less.”

Traits:-

Inflates personal expenses
Cuts the other parent out, purposefully reduces the number of over night stays in order to increase incorme from maintenance
Uses increased contact time for financial gain
Sabotages relationships between the child and other parent

Impact:-

Children are torn in half
Children don't understand why the paying parent is not as generous as the receiving parent, they think the paying parent is selfish
The paying parent is financially and emotionally erased

Both Are Abuse.

Both control through money.

Both use the child as collateral.

The Real Cost? The Child

Courtrooms aren’t built for children — but they live the consequences.

Emotional and academic decline

Loyalty binds, anxiety, and guilt

Long-term trauma and relational damage

This is not “putting the child first.”

This is emotional warfare with legal backing.

A Better Way: Mediation Over Litigation

Family court should be the last resort, not the first strike.

Mediation is:-

Calmer
Cheaper (up to 50% less than court)
More child-focused

But — where coercion or domestic abuse exist —Mediation is not safe.

Safeguarding must come first.

What Needs to Change

At Deanna Newell Family Law, we are demanding reform that puts children and fairness before profit.

Our proposals:-

Default 50/50 parenting presumption
Child support based on real income and needs
Support for both parents after separation
Mandatory safeguarding checks before litigation
Accountability for court professionals and expert witnesses
Fairer Divorce settlement for each party

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve been:-

Financially alienated
Falsely accused
Dismantled by a broken system…

You are not the problem. You are part of a much bigger story.

Join the movement.

Share your voice.

Demand change.

Family justice — without the fear

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better