When Coercion Meets Family Courts: The Invisible Battle

Deanna Newell
7 days ago
2 min read

People who use coercion don’t play by the rules.

For survivors, especially those with autism, navigating domestic abuse is about evidence, honesty, and accountability.

However family courts, meant to protect children and ensure fair outcomes, often fail to see the invisible harm caused by coercive control.

Domestic Abuse Leaves Few Physical Traces

Abuse isn’t always bruises or broken bones. Often it’s:-

Emotional: intimidation, threats, manipulation
Financial: restricted access to money, hidden assets, coerced spending
Psychological: isolation, gaslighting, undermining confidence

Strangulation, choking, or entrapment may leave no marks.

Emotional abuse is even harder to document, but courts still demand “proof.” Without it, survivors are often silenced.

Coercion Distorts Reality

A coercive person insists their version of events is the only truth, even when it makes no sense or is completely unsupported by evidence. Their narrative is:-

Selective: omitting facts that contradict them
Fear-based: designed to intimidate or confuse
Absolute: no room for discussion, compromise, or negotiation

“It’s not lying, it’s a controlled reality designed to isolate, frighten, and dominate.”

In high-conflict separations, this narrative can overshadow the survivor’s voice, especially in courts that rely heavily on physical evidence.

Without understanding coercion, the system risks giving weight to unsubstantiated claims, leaving children and survivors vulnerable.

Evidence Survivors Must Collect

Survivors often have to piece together proof from fragments of everyday life:-

Threatening texts, messages, and emails
Financial records showing hidden assets or control
Witness statements from friends, family, or professionals

This is emotional labour layered on trauma, yet it’s essential for the court to see the abuse.

The Emotional Toll

Gathering evidence isn’t just paperwork, it’s reliving trauma. Survivors face:-

Constant stress over whether it will be “enough”
Pressure to stay calm while confronting their abuser in court
The uphill battle of a system that assumes equality where there is none

Courts Should Protect, Not Punish

Real change would mean:-

Court costs paid by the perpetrator when abuse is proven
Judges trained in coercive control and trauma-informed practice
Recognition of abuse patterns alongside physical evidence
Systems that prevent further coercion during proceedings

Survivors shouldn’t have to fight both the abuser AND the system.

Justice Isn’t Just Documents

Family courts must:-

Treat messages, emails, and witness testimony as legitimate evidence
Understand the emotional burden of compiling proof
Protect survivors from ongoing coercion or financial abuse

Justice is not just paperwork. It’s about protecting survivors, their children, and holding abusers accountable.

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better