What Is Parental Alienation?

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In a Nutshell

Parental alienation occurs when one parent intentionally damages or destroys a child’s relationship with the other parent. It’s not love. It’s not loyalty.

It’s emotional abuse disguised as protection — and it leaves deep, invisible scars.

This often happens during or after a separation, where unresolved anger, control, or financial motives drive one parent to turn the child against the other.

Children may be manipulated through lies, fear, or blame until they reject a parent who once loved and cared for them.

Alienation is never about the child’s welfare. It’s about punishment, power, and revenge - and the emotional damage can last a lifetime.

How It Begins

Parental alienation often starts when:

• One parent leaves an abusive or controlling relationship

• A new partner or blended family enters the picture

• The rejected parent loses access, power, or financial control

At that point, the alienating parent declares war, and the child becomes the battlefield.

This is not co-parenting - this is coercive control.

What It Looks Like

Signs of alienating behaviour:

• Constant criticism or belittling of the other parent in front of the child

• False allegations without evidence

• Cancelling or blocking contact for no valid reason

• Coaching the child to fear or reject the other parent

• Creating a “good vs. bad” narrative

This isn’t healthy parenting.

It’s grooming, manipulation, and psychological abuse.

The Damage: Invisible Scars

Children caught in parental alienation don’t just lose a parent -

They lose stability, trust, and part of themselves.

The emotional fallout includes:

• Anxiety, depression, and chronic guilt

• Low self-worth and identity confusion

• Difficulty forming healthy relationships

• Complex PTSD

• Repeating patterns of alienation in adulthood

These children don’t just grow up - they survive fractured.

Financial Alienation: When Money Becomes a Weapon

Financial alienation is economic abuse hiding behind parental decisions.

It often includes:

• Manipulating child maintenance payments or lying to reduce support

• Denying overnight stays to increase financial gain

• Refusing to work or demanding lifestyle compensation after separation

• Weaponising poverty or wealth in court disputes

This isn’t just about money - it’s about controlling the other parent and punishing them for moving on.

When Abusers Cry “Alienation”

Parental alienation is real - but abusers weaponise the term to:

• Blame the protective parent

• Regain access or control

• Silence abuse survivors

• Paint safeguarding as vindictive behaviour

Survivors come with police reports, therapy notes, emails, and safeguarding referrals.

Abusers come with spin, entitlement - and often, financial motivations.

Yet all too often, the court believes the abuser.

Courts: Demand Evidence - Not Emotion

Judges and professionals must:-

• Recognise coercive control, not confuse it with alienation

• Require clear, substantiated evidence, not hearsay

• Prioritise the child’s safety and emotional wellbeing

• Use a court checklist that includes financial motivations, coercion, and post-separation abuse

Alienation cases should be assessed like criminal cases: facts over feelings.

Misuse of the Term Harms Everyone

We must not allow alienation claims to:-

• Undermine real protection

• Invalidate children’s lived experiences

• Silence the voices of survivors

• Reward financial or emotional abuse disguised as parenting

Misused, the term retraumatises families and gives abusers a courtroom weapon.

The Long-Term Impact

Children raised in alienating environments may:-

• Develop a skewed sense of loyalty and truth

• Struggle with empathy, relationships, and emotional regulation

• Internalise the rage and entitlement of the alienating parent

• Carry trauma into their own parenting and partnerships

This cycle must be broken.

To Parents Who Alienate

Your child is not a weapon. Your anger is not more important than their mental health.

The long-term harm you’re causing will outlast your rage.

To the System

Do better. Children’s lives are at stake.

Recognise the difference between protection and punishment.

To Survivors

We see you. We hear you. Keep going.

You are not alone - and the truth matters.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better