The Real Threat: How Family Courts Fail the Protective Parent

Deanna Newell
Aug 10
3 min read

When a mother or father raises allegations of domestic abuse — whether physical, emotional, coercive, or financial — or when a child discloses sexual abuse within the family, the family courts doesn't ask:

“What if he’s harmed them?”

Instead they ask:

“What if she’s lying?”

The default position of the Family Court is suspicion — rather than protection.

Rather than safeguarding the vulnerable, the system often turns on the very parent trying to protect their child. The mother is accused of fabricating abuse, weaponising concerns, or alienating the child from their father. She is painted as manipulative, unstable, even vindictive.

Meanwhile, the man offers vague denials and easy counter-allegations:

“She’s mentally unwell.”

“She’s turning the children against me.”

And just like that, she’s no longer a concerned parent.

The protective mother is reframed as the problem.

Then comes the magic word — spoken in court like a spell:

“Parental alienation.”

Suddenly, the entire case flips.

No facts.

No evidence.

Just gaslighting, dressed up as legal process.

A Strategy, Not a Fluke

This isn’t just unconscious bias. It’s a strategy—one that’s being used deliberately, and far too often, to discredit and silence protective mothers.

It works because it plays on outdated myths. It flips the narrative. And it deters women from ever speaking up again.

The message from the courts is loud and clear:

“Say nothing — or we’ll destroy you in court.”

And when that happens, family court becomes not a place of justice, but another arena for abuse — one where the state becomes complicit.

There is no accountability.

No scrutiny.

No real consequences for those who lie or manipulate the system.

And they wonder why so many protective parents — especially mothers — experience depression, anxiety, and trauma that never seems to heal.

Lies, Loopholes, and Legal Apathy

People lie on court forms every day—C100s, witness statements, chronologies:

Fake addresses
False character claims
Rewritten histories

And what happens?

Nothing.

No investigations.

No penalties.

No risk assessments.

All while the courts continue to operate under the myth that abuse allegations are mostly fabricated — used by bitter mothers to gain control.

But the truth is this:

False allegations of abuse are rare — just 2%, according to most estimates.

False counter-allegations of “parental alienation” are far more common.

And far more dangerous.

A Familiar Pattern

We’ve seen this story play out again and again:

A mother reports domestic abuse or child abuse.
The father responds: “She’s lying to gain custody.”
The court immediately starts doubting her—not investigating him.
Her credibility becomes the focus.
The abuse is never properly examined.
The child remains at risk.

This isn’t justice. It’s erasure.

The Overlooked Abuse: Financial Control

Emotional abuse is often accompanied by financial control — and this, too, is ignored by the system.

The same fathers who abuse or neglect their children emotionally are often the ones who:-

Avoid paying child maintenance
Delay or underpay their obligations
Are content to see their children live in poverty

Meanwhile, it’s often stepfathers and second partners who sacrifice their own income and security to provide stability — not only for their biological children, but also for children they’ve chosen to care for.

Still, even financial abuse gets flipped.

Some fathers claim “financial alienation,” arguing that mothers are manipulating contact arrangements to claim the highest possible rate from the Child Maintenance Service.

Yes, this does happen, more often than people realise. But when it’s used as revenge—to punish a parent for leaving or when someone lies about their marital status to keep control, it’s no longer just bitterness.

It’s coercion.

It’s abuse.

It’s Time for Accountability

Family courts claim to uphold fairness and justice.

But all too often, what they’re really protecting is an abuser’s access to power.

When abuse is treated as a strategy instead of a reality:-

Children suffer
Survivors are silenced
And abusers remain in control

This must change.

Real accountability means:-

If a party lies to the court, they should pay the other side’s legal costs.
If a child raises a safeguarding concern, a risk assessment must be mandatory.
If professionals are misled, the system must be equipped to respond.

Because right now, the message from family courts is this:-

Abuse doesn’t matter.

Protective parents are the enemy.

And the courtroom is just another weapon for coercive control.

Let’s Call This What It Is

The real manipulation?

It’s not protective parents raising safeguarding concerns.

It’s the weaponisation of false narratives to destroy their credibility.

This is the real threat.

And we must stop pretending it isn’t happening.

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better