This Is Not Just Abuse. It Is Conditioning a Generation

Deanna Newell
May 12
5 min read

A teenage girl has been driven to end her life because of domestic abuse, for the first time formally recognised in national reporting in England and Wales.

Let that land.

Not killed by a partner. Not a tragic “relationship gone wrong.”

But pushed, worn down, isolated, and psychologically trapped until death felt like the only escape.

And she is not alone.

In the year to March 2025, police recorded 150 suspected suicides linked to domestic abuse — almost double the previous year’s figure of 98.

In the same period, there were 80 intimate partner homicides.

For the third consecutive year, victims in abusive relationships were more likely to die by suicide than be killed directly by an abuser.

This is no longer a hidden crisis.It is a pattern.

And the warning signs are becoming impossible to ignore.

According to the latest Office for National Statistics data, teenagers aged 16 to 19 are now among the groups most likely to report domestic abuse.

So we have to ask an uncomfortable question:

Are we witnessing abuse, or are we raising a generation being conditioned to accept it?

The Influence That We Are Not Confronting

Senior policing lead Assistant Commissioner Louisa Rolfe has said publicly what many have been reluctant to acknowledge:

Violent pornography, toxic online influencers, digital content that normalises control, degradation, coercion, and violence, particularly against women.

When young people consume this content daily, it does not stay “online.”

It becomes expectation.

Police have specifically warned about the growing prevalence of non-fatal strangulation in teenage relationships, a behaviour increasingly linked to online exposure to violent sexual content.

That is not coincidence.

That is learned behaviour.

At the same time, MPs and campaigners have raised urgent concerns about misogynistic influencers and online radicalisation shaping boys’ attitudes toward women, dominance, and relationships.

We cannot keep pretending the digital world is separate from what happens in homes, schools, and relationships.

It is shaping all of them.

Silence Is Part of the Problem

Teenagers are not only facing abuse.

Many are facing it without the language to identify it, without adults they trust, and without understanding that what they are experiencing is wrong.

If a child grows up believing:-

Control is love
Jealousy is care
Isolation is normal
Fear is part of relationships

…then, they are unlikely to ask for help.

And if coercive control, humiliation, intimidation, or emotional abuse are normalised at home, those behaviours are not questioned. They are absorbed.

Children do not just hear what adults say. They learn what adults live.

Why Education Is No Longer Optional

Relationship education is too often treated as a secondary issue. It is not.

This is safeguarding.

Young people urgently need explicit education about:-

Coercive control
Emotional manipulation
Financial and economic abuse
Consent and sexual pressure
Digital abuse and image-based abuse
The reality that pornography is not relationship education
The difference between attention, possession, and love

And equally importantly; young people need safe adults and environments where they can speak openly without shame or dismissal.

Because if they cannot speak to us, they will go elsewhere for guidance.

Or worse, they will go nowhere at all.

The Law Is Failing Children

And here is the most disturbing part:-

In England and Wales, the law still largely says you cannot officially be recognised as a victim of domestic abuse until you turn 16.

Tell that to the 15-year-old boy who was punched, kicked, and carved with scissors by his girlfriend. When he reported the abuse to police, the investigation was closed, not because there was no evidence, but because the law did not recognise him as a domestic abuse victim due to his age.

James, whose case was reported by The Independent, was 15 when his girlfriend carved her name into his ribs using scissors. His school supported his account. Witnesses backed him. And yet, the case still went nowhere.

Not because it did not happen.

But because legally, children in abusive relationships remain largely invisible.

Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, domestic abuse is defined as behaviour between people aged 16 or over. That means that children experiencing abuse in their earliest relationships can fall outside specialist protections and interventions.

The scale is staggering. Research shows:-

Nearly half of children aged 13 to 17 who have been in relationships report violent or controlling behaviour
28% of 13 to 15-year-olds say they have been physically assaulted by a partner
41% of girls and 37% of boys who had been in relationships reported emotional or physical abuse

Girls are more likely to experience coercive control and sexual pressure.

Boys are more likely to experience image-based abuse and humiliation.

The law is failing both.

And when abuse is not named, young people risk accepting it as normal.

That is how cycles continue.

Economic Abuse: The Hidden Trap

Domestic abuse is not always physical. Economic abuse, controlling money, sabotaging employment, creating debt, restricting independence, is increasingly recognised as a major risk factor in domestic abuse-related deaths.

A 2026 report found economic abuse contributed to one domestic abuse-related death every 19 days in the UK.

And yet many young people are never taught what financial control even looks like.

Control over transport. passwords, bank accounts. phones. social access, housing.

These are not “relationship issues.”. They are warning signs.

The Role of Parents: Difficult, But Necessary

This is where the conversation becomes uncomfortable.

We cannot demand healthier relationships for our children while refusing to examine what they witness at home.

If we want young people to:-

Recognise abuse
Reject coercive behaviour
Speak openly
Expect respect

…then we must model:-

Emotional safety
Accountability
Healthy disagreement
Respectful communication
Repair after conflict

Parenting in this space is not about perfection.

It is about awareness, honesty, and willingness to change harmful patterns.

This Was Preventable

Every suicide linked to domestic abuse is devastating.

But when it involves someone so young, it carries an even heavier truth;

This was not inevitable.

It was preventable.

And the longer we minimise coercive control, dismiss teenage abuse as “drama,” or ignore the influence shaping young people online, the more lives will continue to be lost, not always through homicide, but through despair.