The Other Side of the Story: Survivors of Financial Abuse

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Let’s talk about the tongue of the abuser.

It’s smooth. Persuasive. Weaponised with just the right legal buzzwords — especially “parental alienation.”

But often, what they’re really doing is disguising financial control, manipulation, and long-standing economic abuse. They use the term “alienation” not because the child is being turned against them unfairly — but because they’ve already lost control, and now they’re losing the narrative.

Why “Parental Alienation” Can Be Dangerous and Damaging

“Parental alienation” is often thrown around in family courts without proper scrutiny. When used by actual abusers, it becomes a smokescreen — masking years of coercive control, financial domination, and emotional harm.

This term, when misused, is devastating to survivors of domestic abuse. It flips the script. The victim becomes the accused. The abuser becomes the protective parent. And the system too often falls for it.

The result? Court-ordered contact with unsafe parents. Protective parents discredited. Children placed in emotionally harmful environments.

The Forgotten Side: Financial Abuse Survivors

Now consider the other side — parents who’ve escaped financially abusive relationships.

They are often left with:-

• No home or assets — they’ve given up property and security to protect themselves and their children

• Little or no child maintenance — sometimes just £50 to £150 per child, per month

• Ongoing financial control — where the abuser hides income, manipulates self-employment, or claims poverty while living in comfort

These survivors are not alienating. They are surviving. They are parenting under pressure, while still being punished for leaving.

Meanwhile, their ex — who controlled the bank accounts, restricted spending, sabotaged careers — now cries “alienation” in court.

It’s not about the children.

It’s about reclaiming control and punishing independence.

And all too often, the courts believe them.

Fixing the System: Follow the Money

So how do we stop this?

Start by following the money.

Family courts need a robust financial analysis process when assessing alienation claims.

This should include:-

• Reviewing the divorce settlement

• Examining maintenance and financial behaviours

• Tracking patterns of blocked contact — and who benefits from them

Ask the hard questions:-

• Who had financial power during the relationship?

• Who walked away with resources, and who walked away with nothing?

• Is the contact genuinely in the child’s best interests—or a tool of continued control?

Final Thoughts: Children Are Not Currency

We must make a clear distinction between:-

• Abusers weaponising the concept of alienation to escape accountability, and

• True alienation used for financial gain or emotional revenge

The key?

Follow the financial trail

Scrutinise behaviour — not just words

Protect the child — not the narrative

Because when the system gets it backwards, protective parents are vilified.

Abusers are believed.

And children suffer.

It’s time to hold financial abusers accountable — and to stop allowing coercive control to hide behind the mask of “parental alienation”.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better