The Domestic Abuse Crisis: How Do We End It?

Deanna Newell
Jun 16
2 min read

Updated: Jun 25

Domestic abuse isn’t just bruises. It’s control. It’s coercion. It’s degradation, threats, fear - even sexual violence.

It happens behind closed doors. In relationships. In silence.

And it doesn’t discriminate.

Not by age. Not by race. Not by gender. Not by income.

The Cold, Brutal Facts

1 in 4 women in the UK have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16.
1 woman every week is killed by a current or former male partner.
43% of women murdered by a partner had already tried to leave.
61% of refuge referrals are turned away. Why? No space. No safety. No capacity.
It would take £427 million a year just to provide women and children with basic, life-saving support.

Meanwhile, thousands remain trapped, isolated, and unheard.

This is not a “women’s issue.”

This is a national emergency.

Coercive Control: The Abuse You Can’t See

He doesn’t need to hit you to hurt you.

Coercive control is the invisible cage. The slow suffocation. It’s when he:

Monitors your phone
Controls the bank account
Tells you what to wear
Says you can’t work
Blames you for everything
Threatens to take the children if you leave

He isolates you. Then gaslights you.

He breaks you down, bit by bit - until you no longer recognise yourself.

This isn’t “old-fashioned values.”

It’s calculated entrapment.

And it’s a criminal offence.

But proving it? That’s another story.

Survivors are disbelieved. Family courts are years behind.

And abusers walk away - free to do it again.

The Domestic Abuse Act (2021): A Step Forward - But Is It Working?

The Domestic Abuse Act was hailed as a game-changer. It finally recognised coercive control. Promised protections. Created a national duty of care.

But two years on?

Refuges are still turning women away.
Police responses are inconsistent.
Family courts still prioritise contact over safety, even when children are at risk.

A law on paper means little without training, funding, and belief.

What Can We Do?

We don’t need more thoughts and prayers.

We need change.

1. Raise Awareness. Loudly.

Talk about abuse. Share survivor stories.

Challenge myths like “it takes two” or “why didn’t she just leave?”

2. Educate the Next Generation.

Teach boys respect, consent, and empathy.

Teach girls boundaries, red flags, and self-worth.

3. Fund Services. Properly.

Support local refuges.

Demand government funding for trauma-informed services for women and children.

4. Hold Abusers Accountable.

Push for enforcement of the Domestic Abuse Act.

Demand urgent family court reform to recognise coercive control.

5. Listen. Believe. Support.

If someone tells you they’re being abused—believe them.

Offer safety, not judgment.

It could save their life.

We Can’t Afford Silence

Domestic abuse is not a “relationship problem.”

It’s a systemic failure that destroys lives—and ends them.

We need to start asking the right questions:

Why are victims blamed for staying—while abusers are allowed to keep abusing?
Why are women and children left without homes, support, or safety?
Why is the family court still being used as a weapon of control?

Domestic abuse thrives in silence.

It’s time we shine a light.

If You’re Experiencing Abuse:

You are not alone.

You are not to blame.

And there is help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (UK): 0808 2000 247 – Free, confidential, 24/7
Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better