Leaving a Narcissist: The Script They Wrote, and How You Reclaim Yours

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If you’re reading this, maybe you’re planning your exit.

Or maybe you’ve finally done it — after years of being gaslit, second-guessed, and made to feel like the villain in your own life.

If you’re divorcing a narcissist, you’ve likely felt confused, blamed, and emotionally wrecked long before you ever left.

That’s because narcissists don’t treat divorce like an ending. They treat it like a stage performance — and they’ve been rehearsing your role in it for years.

Here’s what they do before the curtain even rises:

1. Rewriting the Past

They twist your memories and words until even you wonder what’s real.

They turn your trauma responses into “proof” you’re unstable.

They erase their own cruelty and paint you as the abuser.

Once you leave, the mask drops — and now they want to win. At any cost.

2. Recruiting Allies

They start the smear campaign while still playing the doting partner in public.

It begins quietly: “I’m just worried about them…”

But make no mistake — they are laying the groundwork.

They want your friends, your family, and even your children to doubt you before you ever speak.

3. Financial Sabotage

They drain accounts.

They lie about income.

They funnel assets away and gain quiet control over everything.

Then when it all blows up, they say you are greedy. You are manipulative.

They build the trap and hand you the blame.

4. Emotional Ambushes

They bait you.

They gaslight you.

They record your reactions.

Because they don’t care about truth — they care about optics.

They want a clip, a quote, a moment to twist and weaponise.

They aren’t hurt — they want revenge.

5. Playing the Victim

As you walk away, suddenly they break down.

Tears. Promises. Begging. “I’ll change.”

It’s not love. It’s not remorse.

It’s control — one last attempt to pull your strings.

They don’t fear losing you.

They fear losing their grip on you.

How to Heal

Let this sink in: None of this was your fault.

You were manipulated.

You were undermined.

You were set up to shatter — so they could shine.

But you’re not broken.

You’re rising.

You’re rewriting the script they tried to cast you in.

That clarity you feel now?

That’s your truth.

That’s your power coming back online.

Final Word:

You don’t owe them silence.

You don’t owe them shame.

You don’t owe them sympathy.

You owe yourself:-

• Truth

• Healing

• And the peace they worked so hard to steal.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better