It is time for the Family Courts to recognise Coercive Control and Domestic Abuse in “Parental Alienation” Cases

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It is time the courts truly recognised what is happening in so-called “high-conflict” or “parental alienation” cases. These are not simple disagreements between two parents. They are often abuse cases—coercive, controlling, manipulative, and psychologically devastating.

Many abusers don’t leave bruises, but that doesn’t make it any less domestic abuse. In fact, coercive control can be the most dangerous form of abuse—because it is invisible, insidious, and often unrecognised by professionals.

What the Family Courts and Professionals need to understand:-

• Domestic abuse is not just physical. It includes:

• Economic and financial abuse

• Sexual coercion

• Gaslighting and psychological manipulation

• Social isolation

• Parental sabotage and control through children

• Love bombing followed by devaluation

  
  

These abusers play a long game. For them, relationships are a strategic power play—like a game of chess. Their need to win overrides every other human consideration.

The well-being of their ex-partner and even their own children becomes collateral damage in the pursuit of control and revenge.

It doesn’t matter if you left them because of betrayal or toxic behaviour. Once you stand up to them, protect your children, or challenge their authority—they will stop at nothing. Their aim? Total destruction of your credibility, your mental health, your finances, and your relationship with your children.

How It Begins: The “Perfect” Partner Trap

It often starts with love bombing. They make you feel lucky to be chosen. They might say you’re getting older, that you won’t find anyone else, that no one else will love you.

They may rush commitment, push for children quickly, isolate you from support systems—all under the guise of intense love.

Then the mask slips.

Suddenly, what once felt like love becomes control. Threats replace affection. The very things that made you feel seen and valued become weapons used against you.

By the time you see it for what it is, you are often trapped—financially, emotionally, and logistically. You plan your escape like a military operation, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of someone who has no empathy, no remorse, and no limits.

Why the Family Courts must wake up

The person you’ve escaped will not stop. They are not motivated by love, but by domination. When they lose control over you, they try to regain it through the children.

If that fails, they will try to destroy your relationship with your children.

Courts must stop being complicit in this abuse by:-

• Misunderstanding coercive control

• Labeling protective parents as “alienators”

• Prioritising contact over safeguarding

• Ignoring patterns of abuse just because there are no visible injuries

  
  

We must stop expecting victims to play happy families with their abuser “for the sake of the children.” Children thrive in safe, stable, and nurturing environments—not in contact arrangements with someone who treats them or their parent as pawns.

This is Abuse. This is War

Once you stand up and say no, the abuser declares war—not just on you, but on the children too. These abusers are like the wicked queen in Snow White—furious that they’ve lost their control, desperate to maintain the illusion of perfection, and willing to do anything to stay on top.

In summary

It is time for courts to stop enabling this. Victims need protection, not punishment. Children need safety, not forced contact. And abusers need accountability—not another chance to manipulate the system.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better