Flipping the Narrative: A Classic Tactic of Coercive Control

Deanna Newell
Aug 10
2 min read

When abusers claim they are the victim, it’s not confusion — it’s calculated.

Flipping the script is a psychological weapon that is used to:-

Undermine your credibility,
Erode your sense of reality,
Discredit your boundaries, and
Isolate you from support.

They don’t just deny the abuse — they rewrite the entire story, casting you as the unstable one. Publicly, they perform vulnerability. Privately, they exert control. This is textbook gaslighting — and it’s one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse.

Neurodivergence and Targeted Vulnerability

For many survivors — particularly those later diagnosed as autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent — the experience of missing red flags or staying too long leads to profound self-blame:-

Why didn’t I see it sooner?
Why did I believe their promises?
Why do I still feel like it was my fault?

Here’s why: neurodivergent individuals often approach relationships with honesty, empathy, and literal thinking. These are not weaknesses — but in the hands of a manipulator, they can be exploited.

When abuse is disguised as love, loyalty, or “parental concern,” it’s not naivety that keeps people trapped — it’s neurodiversity being preyed upon.

Economic Control Is Abuse

Financial manipulation isn’t a civil disagreement — it’s a form of coercive control.

This includes:-

Withholding or avoiding child maintenance,
Weaponising the legal system to delay or evade accountability,
Undermining the financial security of the caregiving parent.

This isn’t an administrative hiccup. It’s deliberate. And when institutions fail to hold abusers accountable, they don’t just fail survivors — they enable further harm.

Parental Responsibility or Parental Weaponisation?

When the language of “parental rights” is used to:-

Disrupt healthcare or schooling,
Undermine the caregiving parent’s authority,
Insert themselves in ways that control, not co-parent,

…it’s not about the child. It’s about power. Parental responsibility loses all meaning when it becomes a legal shield for continued abuse.

Key Policy Demands

This isn’t just a personal issue — it’s systemic.

Real change requires bold policy reform, including:-

Mandatory coercive control training for judges, lawyers, and social workers.
Legal recognition of financial abuse as domestic abuse.
Enforcement of child maintenance with meaningful consequences.
Review and restriction of parental rights when weaponised to harm.
Additional support for disabled children in cases of non-contributing parents.

Final Message to Survivors

You are not unstable. You are not dramatic. You are not the problem.

You were manipulated — not because you were weak, but because someone exploited your strength, your empathy, and your commitment.

This article is more than a diagnosis of abuse — it’s a call to action. It validates your experience, names the tactics used against you, and demands the system does better.

Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better