Financial Alienation: The Unseen War That Hurts Our Children

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In recent years, financial alienation has become more visible—and more damaging. The COVID-19 pandemic, the cost-of-living crisis, and rising divorce rates have all strained separated families. But behind this growing trend lies something more toxic: revenge, resentment, and control.

Some parents, unable to process the end of a relationship, begin to weaponise money—and even their own children—as tools of punishment. They may not realise the full extent of the harm they are causing. The real victims? The children caught in the middle.

Why Is Financial Alienation Growing?

Many parents struggle to adjust after separation, especially if they didn’t initiate it. Feelings of betrayal, abandonment, or humiliation can run deep. Seeing an ex-partner move on—into a new home, a new relationship, a better life—can trigger overwhelming emotions.

And so, some strike back.

Not with fists or words, but with money, manipulation, and access to the children.

Often, the alienating parent feels:

• Angry that the other parent has moved on

• Resentful that they didn’t control how things ended

• Determined to maintain a certain lifestyle

• Trapped in bitterness instead of moving forward

This emotional pain, left unchecked, morphs into an attempt to punish the other parent—while pulling the children into the crossfire.

The Emotional Fallout for Children

Studies suggest that up to 1 in 4 children are affected by some form of parental alienation. The emotional toll is deep and long-lasting:

• Anger: Children caught in a loyalty war often become angry at one or both parents

• Chronic guilt: They may feel guilty for loving the parent they’re being encouraged to reject

• Sadness and confusion: Alienation fractures their emotional foundation

As they grow, these children may face:

• Trust issues

• Low self-esteem

• Difficulty forming secure attachments

• Anxiety, depression, or PTSD-like symptoms

• Emotional detachment or an unhealthy view of relationships and authority

In some cases, they grow into adults who are emotionally guarded, entitled, or unable to sustain healthy family dynamics. The trauma doesn’t fade—it evolves.

Why Do Parents Alienate?

1. Control and Power

For some, controlling the narrative after a breakup is about regaining power. By isolating the child from the other parent, they create emotional dependence and stability for themselves—at a cost to the child’s wellbeing.

2. Revenge

Some use the children and finances as weapons to “make the ex pay.” Common tactics include:

• Blocking overnight contact to raise child maintenance

• Rejecting co-parenting in favour of dominance

• Painting themselves as the “real” or “only” parent

Even after securing the house, maintenance, or a favourable settlement, it’s not enough. The goal isn’t stability—it’s suffering.

3. Financial Gain

Alienation is sometimes driven by money, not malice. Some parents manipulate custody to:

• Maximise benefits

• Secure full maintenance payments

• Extort money outside formal agreements

In these cases, parenting becomes a transaction—not a relationship. The focus shifts from what’s best for the child to what’s most profitable.

The Long-Term Cost

Financial alienation isn’t just about money. It’s about:

• Mental health

• Family breakdown

• Emotional legacy

Children caught in these battles aren’t just collateral damage—they’re deeply wounded bystanders to a war they never started. And if we don’t acknowledge and challenge this behaviour, the cycle will repeat.

It’s Time to Take Off the “Revenge Glasses”

Parents who alienate often see the world through a distorted lens—one of bitterness, anger, and entitlement. These “revenge glasses” must come off.

Because healing begins with accountability.

Children deserve the right to love and be loved by both parents—freely, without fear or manipulation. And parents deserve support in learning to let go of the past, rebuild their lives, and choose healing over hostility.

The future of our children depends on it.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better