Children First, Parents Second: Why Child Maintenance Reform Can No Longer Wait

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Introduction

I am tired of the stereotypes.

Not every paying parent is a deadbeat. Not every receiving parent is entitled. The reality of separated families is far more complex than the labels often used in public debate.

Child maintenance was created to ensure that children receive financial support from both parents following separation. That principle remains as important today as it ever was however, family structures, employment patterns, and financial arrangements have changed significantly over recent decades.

The rise of self-employment, company directors, variable income streams, and increasingly complex financial structures has exposed limitations in a system that was not designed for the realities of modern family life.

Tax systems were designed for taxation, not child maintenance. Whilst they provide an important starting point, they do not always capture a person’s overall financial capacity.

This can be particularly challenging in cases involving complex income structures, business ownership, or allegations of financial and economic abuse.

Child maintenance should never become a tool for conflict, control, or manipulation.

It should exist for one purpose only: supporting children.

Modern Financial Reality

The way people earn, save, invest, and structure their finances has changed dramatically. Today, many families rely on:-

• Self-employed income

• Limited company structures

• Dividend payments

• Variable or seasonal earnings

• Investments and savings

• Pension arrangements

• Property portfolios and other assets

And yet child maintenance calculations remain heavily focused on taxable income.

This can sometimes create situations where a person’s reported income does not fully reflect their broader financial circumstances.

There is a growing need for greater transparency and consistency when assessing financial capacity following separation.

A modern system should consider:-

• Long-term assets and property ownership

• Pension provision

• Savings and investments

• Overall financial resources

• Career sacrifices made during relationships

• The long-term economic impact of abuse

The goal should not be to punish either parent.

The goal should be to ensure that children receive fair and appropriate support based on the true financial circumstances of both households.

The Reality of Separated Families

Separated families are not all the same.

Some receiving parents are rebuilding their lives while managing the day-to-day responsibility of raising children. Many face financial hardship, housing insecurity, and reduced earning potential following separation.

Some paying parents continue to make substantial financial contributions while also managing their own housing costs, living expenses, and responsibilities towards children in new relationships or blended families.

Some families work together successfully.

Others face years of conflict.

Financial outcomes following separation can vary significantly depending on housing arrangements, pension provision, savings, inherited wealth, and the division of assets.

Child maintenance calculations do not always capture these wider circumstances.

The reality is that there is no single experience of separation. Most parents are simply trying to do their best for their children while navigating difficult and often emotional circumstances.

State funded welfare benefits are not a lifestyle choice. For many families, they provide a vital safety net during periods of financial hardship and transition.

Post-Separation Conflict

In some cases, disputes following separation become prolonged and deeply damaging.

Arguments over finances, child arrangements, schooling, and parental responsibilities can continue for years.

When this happens, children are often the ones who suffer most.

They may experience:-

• Emotional distress

• Divided loyalties

• Anxiety and uncertainty

• Breakdown of relationships with one or both parents

• Ongoing exposure to conflict

In some families, disputes surrounding child maintenance and child contact become interconnected, increasing tensions and making co-parenting more difficult.

No child should ever feel caught between two parents.

No child should ever become a bargaining chip in adult disputes.

The welfare of the child must remain the central consideration in every decision that follows separation.

My Experience

I speak from lived experience.

I am a receiving parent and a survivor of coercive, financial, and economic abuse.

I receive the lowest level of child maintenance under the current self-employed assessment system, despite circumstances that, in my experience, demonstrate how reported income does not always reflect wider financial reality.

At the same time, my husband is a paying parent. He pays one of the highest assessed levels of child maintenance and voluntarily contributes additional funds towards our children’s future, including university education.

Together, we are raising four children in a blended family.

We both work more than 48 hours each week and like many families across the country, we carefully budget, manage rising living costs, and prioritise our children above everything else.

Children first. Parents second.

Alongside family life, I work within the NHS.

I am also autistic, as are two of our children.

Those experiences have shaped my understanding of the challenges families face and strengthened my determination to advocate for fairer systems that recognise the realities of modern family life.

Why Reform Is Needed

Child maintenance should reflect modern financial reality, not outdated assumptions.

A reformed system should recognise:-

• Complex and variable income structures

• Self-employment and company ownership

• Assets, savings, pensions, and long-term financial planning

• The impact of coercive, financial, and economic abuse

• Career sacrifices made during relationships

• Child poverty and financial hardship

• The realities of blended families

• The emotional impact of prolonged parental conflict

It should also acknowledge that disputes relating to child maintenance and child arrangements can sometimes become intertwined, increasing stress and conflict for everyone involved.

Children benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents wherever it is safe and appropriate.

Any system that contributes to unnecessary conflict ultimately risks harming the very children it is intended to support.

Mental Health and Family Impact

Family breakdown can have profound consequences for both adults and children.

Financial pressure, prolonged conflict, housing insecurity, and uncertainty about the future can contribute to:-

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Isolation

• Emotional distress

• Increased pressure on support services

Children are often deeply affected by these challenges. 

As an autistic parent raising autistic children, I am also aware of the additional challenges many neurodivergent families face following separation.

Long waiting lists, difficulties accessing support, educational pressures, and the additional costs associated with autism, ADHD, and other additional needs can place significant strain on families. 

Any discussion about child maintenance and family support should recognise these realities and ensure that children with additional needs are not overlooked.

Many families need practical support, early intervention, and access to services that help reduce conflict before problems become entrenched.

No parent should feel abandoned by the systems that are supposed to help them. And no child should suffer because support was unavailable when it was needed most.

Many families need practical support, early intervention, and access to services that help reduce conflict before problems become entrenched.

No parent should feel abandoned by the systems that are supposed to help them.

And no child should suffer because support was unavailable when it was needed most.

Why I Founded DN Family Law

I founded DN Family Law because I know what it feels like to have nowhere to turn.

I know what it is like to survive coercive control, financial abuse, and economic abuse.

Like many survivors, I know first-hand what it is like to navigate family court proceedings without adequate support while trying to protect children, secure their wellbeing, and rebuild a life after separation.

Like many survivors, I relied on advice services and support organisations while managing divorce and family proceedings.

I understand the difficult choices families face when balancing legal challenges, financial pressures, and the everyday needs of their children.

I know what it feels like to start again with limited resources while still striving to create stability, opportunity, and security for your family.

Over time, I began supporting other parents facing similar challenges, including:-

• Coercive control

• Financial and economic abuse

• Post-separation conflict

• Parental alienation

• Limited access to legal support

• Family court proceedings

• Neurodiversity support

For more than a year, I have provided voluntary support and advocacy because I understand how isolating these experiences can be.

I have seen first-hand the impact that complex systems, lack of support, and prolonged conflict can have on families.

DN Family Law was created to provide practical guidance, accessible information, and compassionate support for those navigating some of the most difficult periods of their lives.

Everyone deserves to feel heard.

Everyone deserves access to information.

And no one should have to face these challenges alone.

Conclusion

This is not simply my story.

It reflects the experiences of countless families across the United Kingdom.

Child maintenance reform is not about mothers versus fathers.

It is not about paying parents versus receiving parents.

It is not about creating winners and losers.

It is about creating a system that is fair, transparent, accountable, and fit for modern family life.

A system that recognises modern financial realities.

A system that protects children from poverty.

A system that reduces opportunities for conflict, manipulation, and financial abuse.

A system that supports families rather than dividing them.

Most importantly, it is about remembering who the system exists to serve.

Children should never be caught in the middle of adult disputes.

Children First. Parents Second.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better