Are You Living in a Domestic Abuse Household?

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Has your prince charming — or princess — started showing their true colours?

Do you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to breathe, second-guessing everything you say, do, or wear?

This is not love.

This is coercive control — a form of emotional and psychological abuse that strips away your freedom, your identity, and your voice.

It Starts Subtly…

Maybe you’re made to explain why you were five minutes late.

You begin hiding receipts.

You hesitate before wearing something they might not “approve of.”

But slowly, your world begins to shrink.

You’re isolated from your friends and family.

Anxiety becomes your default state.

That sick feeling in your stomach grows stronger every time they walk through the door— because you never know which version of them is coming home.

They don’t need to raise a fist to break you.

The Trap of Financial Control

There’s no joint account—but somehow you’re expected to pay for everything:

Rent. Bills. Food. Petrol. Childcare. Household expenses.

They may insist on using your bank card or ask you to withdraw cash so they can “pay their way.” But let’s be clear — their money is theirs, and your money is also theirs.

It’s a trap.

It’s about power.

It’s about making you dependent so that leaving feels impossible.

When Love Turns to Punishment

Arguments become weapons.

They flip from charming to cruel in seconds.

You’re called a pushover. Too soft. Too kind.

They say you’re a “horse that needs to be broken.”

They twist everything: You made them act this way.

And when you stop engaging, trying to protect your peace — they punish you with silence. Disappear for days. Ghost you in your own home.

You learn to survive like a soldier in enemy territory.

Numb. Quiet. Strategic.

Planning your escape like a covert mission.

And If You Leave? The Real War Begins.

They don’t take rejection well. Especially when children are involved.

Even if they’ve cheated, lied, manipulated, or abused — you become the villain.

They weaponise family court.

They cry “parental alienation” — a term dangerously misused to deflect from real harm.

They twist the truth.

Financial control, emotional abuse, years of coercion—all flipped against you.

And in a system still struggling to understand post-separation abuse, it works.

Protect Yourself: How to Survive Coercive Control

1. Document Everything

Keep a journal. Save emails. Screenshot texts, Bank account records,  and social media posts.

2. Use the Grey Rock Method

Be boring. Be neutral. Don’t feed their need for drama.

3. Guard Your Energy

They are emotional vampires. Don’t let them drain your light.

4. Build Your Tribe

Find allies—friends, family, professionals. You don’t have to do this alone.

A Note for Neurodivergent Survivors

If you’re autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, you may be more vulnerable to coercive abuse — but you also have superpowers.

We notice the details others miss.

We remember patterns.

We speak truth—even when it’s hard.

That truth? That insight?

It’s your weapon. Use it.

If You Have Children…

The gloves will come off.

They will fight harder—not for the children, but for control.

They’ll avoid child maintenance.

Lie about income. Hide assets.

Especially if they’re self-employed or run a business — they’ll declare the bare minimum and weaponise every penny.

They’ll waste everything you built together, just to ensure you walk away with nothing.

They don’t care if the children suffer.

They want you to suffer.

They will sleep soundly while you scramble to survive.

No guilt. No remorse. No accountability.

But Here’s What They Don’t Expect:

You will rebuild.

You will smile again.

You will feel free again.

Until then:

• Be strategic.

• Be fierce.

• Trust your truth.

You Are Not to Blame

You were kind.

You loved deeply.

You hoped they’d change.

That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Your only mistake was staying too long.

But the abuse? That was never your fault.

And If You’re Still Deciding Whether to Leave…

Do it before children are brought into the war.

Protect your future babies from becoming weapons in someone else’s power game.

Reconnect with You

• Go for walks.

• Journal your truth.

• Cry when you need to.

• Dance. Meditate.

• Reach for nature, for stillness, for safety.

Piece by piece, you’ll come back to life.

Final Words

If you’re experiencing coercive control or domestic abuse, reach out for help.

There are people who will believe you.

Who will fight with you.

Who will remind you:

You deserve peace.

You deserve safety.

You deserve to be free.

You are not alone.

This is not the end of your story.

This is the beginning of your fight back.

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Deanna Newell Family Law

Advocacy for truth-tellers, survivors, and the children who deserve better