Deanna Newell Family Law
Parental alienation
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is emotional abuse.
It’s a deliberate campaign by one parent to damage or destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent.
Parental alienation can look like:-
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Subtle manipulation
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Relentless criticism
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Withholding affection
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Spreading fear or lies
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Forcing the child to choose sides
Parental alientation doesn’t just fracture families. It rewires a child’s sense of love, safety, and identity.
The painful truth is that the term “parental alienation” is being weaponised in the court system. It is being used by abusers to accuse the abused.
The term "parental alienation" is protected by systems of work, and misunderstood by courts.
Three stages of parental alienation
The three stages of parental alienation:-
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A child displays unwarranted hostility (mild alienation)
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A child is resistant to parenting time (moderate alienation)
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A child severes contact with the targeted parent (severe alienation)
Symptoms of parental alienation
The adult children with parental alienation syndrome described a range of alienating strategies, including constant badmouthing of the targeted parent, chronic interference with visitation and communication, and emotional manipulation to choose one parent over the other.
1. The child expresses a relentless hatred for the targeted parent.
2. The child's language parrots the language of the alienating parent.
3. The child vehemently rejects visiting the targeted parent.
4. Many of the child's beliefs are enmeshed with the alienating parent.
5. Many of the child's beliefs are delusional and frequently irrational.
6. The child's reasons are not from direct experiences but from what has been told to him or her by others.
7. The child has no ambivalence in his or her feelings; they are all hatred with no ability to see the good.
8. The child has no capacity to feel guilty about his or her behavior toward the targeted parent.
9. The child and the alienating parent are in lockstep to denigrate the targeted parent.
10. The child can appear like a normal healthy child. But when asked about the targeted parent, it triggers his or her hatred.
Commentry
An FCA will be concerned when they identify these behaviours because they can damage the child’s sense of self-identity and self-worth, as well as their connection with someone who is important to them and will remain important to them for the rest of their lives.
It can also damage the child’s connection with the ‘other side’ of their wider family. It is one reason why a child may reject or resist spending time with one parent or carer following their separation.
FCAs are mindful that an allegation of alienating behaviour can be used as a counter-allegation to an allegation of domestic abuse.
They are also aware that children can make their own minds up about what has happened and how their view about what has happened affects their attitude to living or spending time with one of their parents.
Your FCA will explore this with a child who is refusing to spend time with one of their parents for no apparent reason and assess what impact this will have on their long-term welfare.
While alienating behaviours can be expressed by just one parent, when it does exist it is often a combination of both parents behaving in ways that lead to the child developing a negative view of one of their parents and then rejecting or resisting spending time with that parent.
Siding with one parent is one way of a child finding a way of coping and holding on to at least one parental attachment.
Your FCA will also want to understand the role of new partners/stepparents in reinforcing or mitigating these behaviours.
Even in the most extreme cases where a child is found to be subject to alienating behaviours, the child may hold strong views of their own in addition to those they may have been made to believe by one of their parents.
The rationale as to why a child holds specific and strong views about the parent they are rejecting will be explored in the FCA’s assessment of your child’s welfare and best interests.
Where a child is subject to alienating behaviours, it may be in their interests for the authority of the court to be used to work towards restoring the relationship with the rejected parent.
The court will carefully balance its decisions to ensure that the welfare of both children and adults are safeguarded as far as possible, especially when there has been domestic abuse.
The court will look for ways for a child to maintain their relationship with both parents where this is in their best interests and their welfare is safeguarded.
The Domestic Abuse Practice Guidance in the CIAF includes the following advice:
"Ensure you have clearly distinguished between harmful conflict, domestic abuse and bond breaking or alienating behaviours which lead to resistance to contact.”
Perpetrators of domestic abuse will sometimes attempt to deflect blame, or reverse culpability, by making counter-allegations that the victim is alienating the child against them when in fact their child has come to their own conclusions based on their experiences. In these circumstances, FCAs are guided by the evidence/findings and do not lose sight of the distinction between the child’s ‘justified’, or ‘appropriate rejection’ of a parent as will sometimes be the case where the child has suffered domestic abuse and rejection caused by deliberately alienating or unjustified communications and behaviours.